Living Like a Zombie

Joys of parenthood are enormous. I am so much in love with my baby that words can hardly describe... but as we all know it comes with a small price... our sleep!
The First hardest thing you will teach your child is to fall asleep on their own. Well at least it was the first hardest thing for me.

You have to take it for granted that the first few months you will hardly get any sleep. Aadi's feeding cycle since he was born has been that he needs to eat every two hours. (He turned 14 months old today and that is still his schedule).

In the beginning I had lot of help from my sister and mom. I still had to wake up for Aadi but I had company and that helped. But why do they always have to wake up crying so loud as if the world is coming to an end. You feel like you really have to rush to get them quite again. You wake up, feed them and they go back to sleep, but you still have to clean up after that. And then when you are finally ready to go back to bed, you are still counting time... how much longer till the next feed? Its hard for me to put myself back to sleep when I know in an hour I will have to wake up again.

By the time Aadi was four months old, he was able to sleep at least 8 hours at a stretch at night. But that did not really help me much. Its not like I can go to bed as soon as he goes off to sleep. I still have things to wrap up in the house. On top of that he slept with us in our room. Not in the same bed though. I am glad that from beginning Arpit and I decided he will not sleep with us. First he had his cocoon(ghodiyu) and then his crib. But he used to snore a lot at night and also make all kind of noises. So I hardly got any sleep. He used to wake me up all the time. And our movement and noises in the room used to wake him up as well. And once he wakes up he has to have milk. However sleepy he might have been once he has milk... he thinks its time to play! Its very hard to get him back to sleep. I am glad I had a lot of help. Once he started sleeping through the night I let him sleep with my in-laws and some weekends Sharvi used to come over to sleep at night. That way I got break from having to wake up at 4am all the days of the week. Occasionally I also get Arpit to wake up, but that's a job in itself. But I must be fair.. he did wake up quite a few weekends.

Talking about getting Aadi to sleep... that's a major task. He is such an active baby and having people around makes him happy. As long as he has someone to play with him... he does not want to go to bed. He would be rubbing his eyes, drop his head on our shoulders and give us the sweetest smile. When he is doing that... even I do not want to put him to bed...because he is so adorable. But I know its time and I have to put him to bed. If I just put him in his crib.. hoping he will go to sleep on his own...I have a huge tantrum coming. There is a reason why no one should hear me sing ... no one can take it except for Aadi and that is because he does not know any better. I have to hold him and swing him in my arms and sing chandaa maama door ke... I have to do that for at least 15-20 minutes and it is still not guaranteed that it would get him in the mood to go to sleep. It was all right in the beginning but as he started to grow heavier my back was seriously starting to hurt and my throat was starting to hurt from all the bad singing.

I do not remember for sure.. but I think it was when Aadi was around 5 months old that the doctor told us that Aadi should be sleeping at least 12 hours at night and take at least 2 hour nap in the day time. And that it would be better if he sleeps in his own room. He needed to learn to sleep on his own for his own good and also for my health. Also its never a good idea to let baby sleep real late at night because an overtired baby actually wakes up more often at night. Doctor said that it was okay to let him cry at night. That made me nervous. I could not just let him cry every night to sleep. I was not so sure about the idea and I decided to do some research online. But that confused me further as there were different views about it. But one thing everyone said was crying at night did not leave any bad effects on the baby.


Putting Aadi in his own room and letting him cry at night was unthinkable as long as my in-laws were living with us. Neither did we have a spare room nor would they allow us to do that. Once they left... we started considering moving Aadi in his room. But I did not really want to do that. What if he stops breathing at night or something happens to him in his sleep.. how would we know? All kind of nervous thoughts would come in my mind. But its also a fact thousands of parents have done that with no issues. Finally one month after our in-laws had left we moved Aadi to his room. But I was still putting him to bed. Singing songs to him and holding him for long. But the minute I put him in his crib he would cry like hell's broken lose. It made me wonder if sleeping on his own is scaring him. So I had to made sure he was fast asleep and his snoring had started before I put him in his crib.
Now you would think... that at least after he has gone to sleep in his own room I must have been able to sleep well. But it was not easy for the first month. I would be sleeping.. but my ears were awake. I used to hear him crying even when he was not. I woke up several times at night.. just because I was not sure how he was doing. I was even afraid to go check on him at night as I could wake him up. And he did wake up often at night and I used to go every time and repeat the same routine of singing him back to sleep.

Sleepless nights made me cranky and angry. It also affected me at work. So Arpit and I decided we will try to let him cry through the night and next time he wakes up in the middle of the night we will not go in his room to get him to bed again. The first night we tried that Aadi cried for one hour straight. It was killing me to hear him cry. I am sure it was tough for Arpit too... but he did not express it and it made me angry at him too! I decided I am never trying that again and doctor who suggested it was crazy and has never had to hear his babies cry for that long. So I continued again with my same routine and living like a zombie.

Then one day I saw this DVD on Netflix "The Sleepeasy Solution". I thought I will watch it. It was kind of similar to what my doctor had said and I was not eager to try their method. But with Arpit's encouragement we decided to try it out. I started following a standard routine every evening. After bringing him back from his Nanny's place I gave him a bath and then we both sat in his room in dim lights and read his story books. I used to give him milk and sing my usual songs. And then put him to bed. He did start crying once I put him in his crib. But I let him cry. It was very hard.. but I had decided to stick to it this time. I used to try to get busy in either cooking or taking a shower. I would check on him every 15 minutes to let him know he is not alone. Eventually an hour of crying reduced to half and then 15 minutes and then just 5 minutes. It took about one week for him to learn that once mummy puts me in crib she is not going to take me out and I have to go to sleep. The whole bed time routine still takes me 45 minutes starting from his bath time. But its lot better because when he goes to bed knowing that he went to bed alone... he does not wake up scared at night looking for him mommy. At least not that often :).

He had learned how to go to bed without crying at all and then we went to India. He got to sleep between mommy and masi. And sometimes with Nani and Nana. He could wake up as many times as he wanted at night and have milk and go back to bed again. His whole schedule was completely changed in India. He got to do anything he wanted there. After 5 weeks of that I had to start the whole routine again... had to again hear him cry at night. But again after a week of that he is back to sleeping through the night. Touch wood!

I still have to hear from everyone in India as to how I can let a small baby like him sleep alone at night. Its not right. A baby needs to feel secure and be with his parents. And letting a baby cry for so long... I have to be the most insensitive mother of all! I am not sure who's right. But doing what I did was right for me and Aadi. He gets to sleep 11-12 hours straight through the night. His nanny still has trouble getting him to take nap.. but he does take at least an hour long nap and sometimes longer. Not only the baby but the parents also need their sleep to function properly and stay healthy. And when the baby is loved by so many throughout the day I do not think a few hours for crying for the first few days is going to emotionally hurt the baby. When Aadi cried nonstop for an hour the first time.. it was me who was more emotionally disturbed than Aadi. He woke up next morning happy and smiling and well slept.

Before Aadi I never had to worry about sleep as I do not need a lot of sleep anyways. I used to like to wake up early everyday and sleep late at night. But all that has changed now. But you can tell from whom Aadi has inherited his sleep patterns :)

Sleep well All!